Christmas Blah

I once felt overjoyed by the holiday seasons but I fear that is not the case this year. I am more overwhelmed, irritated, & restless. I was done with my shopping in October so no need for me to be annoyed by crouds. I just dont have my usual pep. I dont even want to bake this year. The one thing my family & friends count on & I am just not feeling it. Blah.

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Pumpkins Make Nasty

My mother came to visit this weekend and brought along with her, some of my grandmothers veggies. There were chili peppers, cayenne peppers, and bell peppers. I took the time to wash them all last night and cut them. Then I divided them up and put them in freezer bags. They should last me the whole year.

I also went to my neighbors and picked their apples, as they never pick them and just want them gone. I do not steal their apples. I have permission. Anyways, I will be peeling and coring them later. Then I will freeze those. I am saving the apples for Christmas time. We are going to be visiting family this year and I intend to make enough Apple-Cinnamon Bread to actually last more than ten minutes this year.

With all the fruits and veggies I have seen this fall, I have seen pumpkins the most. With halloween well on its way here, the world seems to have gone pumpkin crazy. Don't get me wrong. I love to decorate pumpkins and I think they are a beautiful fall decoration, I just don't see much point to them.

My family hates anything pumpkin. If it were just me that despised their taste, I would gladly carve those pumpkins and save the seeds for roasting and the insides for pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, and pumpkin pie for the rest of my family. It's not just me. My kids look at a pumpkin pie and wrinkle their nose. I want it out of my sight. My husband, I think, actually gives it dirty looks, as if the pie can read his thoughts. As if the pie can sense his large distaste for it.

Ah, the poor pumpkin. How unkind my family is to you. You are beautiful, and yet, I have no use for you. I am truly sorry pumpkin. Truly....

Fall is Here!!

Fall is NOT my favorite time of year.

Yes, I love the holidays, family time, and getting to drink apple cider and hot cocoa once again. I don't complain about that. What I like to complain about is how everything dies.

As the trees shed their glorious leaves, the grass begins to brown and the bugs all try to head indoors so they too, may survive the frigid temperatures that are upon us. I hate it!!

What most people don't understand is what they then must do to preserve their yard. Do NOT rake those leaves, put them in bags, and then throw the bags away. Worse yet, do not sit those bags in your yard for the rest of winter. That does two things; 1. It kills your grass there. Great, now you will have a bald spot. 2. It looks horrible. I'm just sayin'.

Here is what you do... Take your mower out there for your last mow and mow right over those things. Shred that foilage and let it provide nutrients to your grass for the winter. When you no longer need to mow, mow anyways. Set your mower at the highest setting and head on out. Your grass isn't growing anymore and you won't harm it. You are going to direct those leaves toward the bottoms of all of your plants and trees. As the amount of leaves gets thicker under the mower, it will continue to mulch. You will direct all those leaves to your plants and not only provide them food for the entire winter, but it will act as a blanket and help save your plants during those possible ice storms or 12 foot of snow.

That is my suggestion for today. Think about it next time you go to do fall cleanup. What is a better way to provide nutrients to my grass? Hiring someone in the spring to come fertilze my yard with harsh chemicals that could possibly do more harm than good? Or not spending any money at all while helping your yard and environment at the same time.

OOps

Here is a lesson everybody could learn: I am not an influencer. Do not ask me to influence anybody. If I had control over what people did, I would have a nice home in the country, never have to do the dishes, and my kids would be well behaved at all times.

This is not the case. People are gonna do what they want no matter what anybody else tells them. The more they are told they can't, the more they will push away and try to prove you, and everybody else, wrong.

The most I think we can tell those we love is "This is how I feel about the situation and what I would do if I were in your shoes. However, you are grown and have to make your own decisions, so I will support you."

In the end, I honestly believe that support, love, and knowing that you will help them pick up the pieces if the foundation cracks or falls apart, is all we can really do.

Every Which Way but Down, PLease!!

I do not want to go down, you can move me from side to side, back or forward, or you can give me a boost up, but PLease do not move me down.

I have been on the go for the last 9 months. Go, Go, Go!!! I started my own company, was a slow start, and now progression is being made. Now I feel on overload.

It's not just because there are lawns to mow. That is what my husband originally thought owning your own lawn care business meant; You go out, you mow lawns, you get paid. Um,, yea, it doesn't work like that. You advertise, you mow, you bill, you mow, it rains so you do more advertising, you catch up from the time it rained, you bill, you fill out licenses, contractor applications, insurance papers, federal forms, tax stuff, you mow, you bill, you try to collect on those you have billed, and you mow. See a pattern. NOT ALL MOWING!!!!

Now we have to come up with $10,000 for the new mower and trailer for next season because we will be super busy. New commercial zero turn John Deere. It's pretty. And a new trailer to fit the new mower.

I sit and wonder why? Why do we buy new stuff for the business instead of paying bills off? Oh, yea, to help the business grow so we can pay them off next year. The person who said you have to spend money to make money knew what they were talking about, didn't they? Luckily, we have our eye on some commecial properties to help even out the costs and our residential properties will pay for our wages and the new weedeater guy we are hiring next year.

So, as I said before, please don't push me back down because I don't have time for it. I want to sit on my butt and be lazy, but there is no time.

Day? Losing Track

I have lost track of what day I am on, what time it is, and exaclty what my main objective is.

My husband and I are wanting to pull ourselves out of a slump. A ten year slump that has us frustrated. How do we do that? If there are any ideas out there, feel free to let me know...

Day 2- A Set Back

My husband and I don't argue a lot, but when we do, it's a doozy. Today, we didn't even have a fight. He was already in a bad mood and took something I said the wrong way. Then, we got home and I shut a door in the house too hard I guess and he told me he had enough and was done being married to me. Later he did apologize and blame it on his bad day, but really? I mean, REALLY? After nine years of marriage it was out of the blue and I was in shock.

It did get me thinking, though, about my independence. Not that I want to be divorced, but if something did happen and he was no longer in my life, what would I do? I don't have a job. I don't even have a vehicle because the only vehicle we have is in his name. (We bought it from his parents and his mom only signed his name to it.) Now, that could be remedied, we just have never really thought about it. What's mine is his and what is his is mine. It's never been a question in my head until now. What would I do? Maybe it was another wake up call that I need to better myself.

So, I call it a Setback because it made me depressed and I didn't even want to do this. But, I am bettering myself, right?

Day 1 - Starting Over

I have heard about blogging. I post my simple thoughts on Facebook. I have never considered Tweeting. I have never done a blog.
A movie was my source of inspiration for this blog. My online English class is what pushed me into this adventure. I will not disclose the movie title because I am not being paid for its publicity. I will say that I admire the woman who made a personal challenge for herself and seen it all the way through.
I will explore my world with new meaning. I will push myself to meet my goals. I will ask anybody who stumbles upon my mediocre writings on life and decides to read, make it a requirement to force me to continue. I need someone to encourage and push me through.
I told my husband earlier today that he was a finisher, I am a quitter. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Not me. I tend to quit. If I don't understand it, if it doesn't go my way, I quit.
I have quit college three times. I have resigned from good jobs. I stopped talking to my mother.
I take the easy way out and I need to be held accountable. Even if no one read, or replies, I am out there. I have potential eyes on my. My aspiration in this: to make myself continue and persevere on my own journey through life.
Currently, my journey has disappointed me, as I am sure there are others out there who feel their life has not fulfilled them. I started out with everything, and now feel that I fail my family. I have not done all I can for them by bettering myself along the way.
I graduated early from high school. I was pregnant soon after and walked the stage with my class carrying a small bump on my stomach. That November, a beautiful baby girl was born. I will share the timeline of my adult life on my page.
Just know this: I could have and can do better. Nobody held me back but myself. I am accountable for my actions. Also, I blamed myself for having a child. This is what society does. When a teen is pregnant, we say their life is going to take a turn for the worse. This is not true. It was not having a child that drowned me, it was my own lack of motivation and my willingness to quit. I will no longer quit.